Start

{Shift} has been my motto for the past few years. It was more than a word or a theme, it was a way of life, of survival. When life has been turned upside down and you’re just finding you way through each day, shifting as needed is how you get by. Never expecting anything to be in any particular way, just accepting things as they come as shifting to move through, around, and with them.

Today I found myself unexpectly alone with no kids for an entire day – a weekend day. After a summer of juggling work, kids, sports, and everything else a totally free nothing but me weekend day was a daunting gift.

I had no idea what I wanted to do, I struggled with what to do for most of the morning. I knew if I didn’t get myself out and leave the house I’d regret it – staying home was no way to spend a free day. Finally I decided at the very least I’d go to the grocery store.

As soon as I got out of the driveway and down the road, three or four other things I would rather do and wanted to do occurred to me and as I allowed myself to shift to doing those things instead I realized that I have perhaps developed a problem with all this shifting.. I can no longer easily {Start}. Because action was required of me to initiate something rather than react to it – I was almost so frozen that I didn’t leave, but once I just got in the car and was going, creativity flowed, ideas came, plans hatched.

I’ve become so adept at adjusting to what comes at me, I no longer feel confident to start something on my own. As I’m driving along and considering this, I started thinking about all the ideas I’ve had rolling around in my head the last few weeks.

Starting up this blog again for instance…

Changing how we eat, figuring out some exercise routine, getting serious about my photography and turning it into something more than a hobby, decluttering the house.

These are all things I want to do. But I realized that I can’t get started, I flirt with the idea and roll it around and maybe take a step or two but it seems overwhelming to not have a fully fledged plan so I just never get anywhere.

And then I laughed as the lightbulb in my head went off, yesterday in flirting with the idea of decluttering I had cleaned up a pile of stuff that had been sitting in the laundry room. The only thing I kept from the whole pile of stuff was this book.

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Life has a sense of humor like that sometimes. I have no idea when or why I ordered it and the only reason that I didn’t throw it away with the rest of the junk in the pile was that I thought I might try and resell it instead.

So I have a new reading assignment. And a new word. Start.

Let’s see where that shift takes us…

 

 

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