Who Needs Autocorrect … I can have screwed up conversations with my kid just fine all by myself

ImageIn the car discussing why her little sister couldn’t play after school yesterday…

Me: (referring to the 8 yo) …then she was so eager to get back to reading her Captain Underpants book. she pitched a fit about doing her worksheets and got in trouble.

12 yo: You know Captain Underpants is partly pornagraphic novel right?

Me: Captain Underpants IS NOT pornagraphic what are you talking about? Why would you say that!?!?!

12 yo: Pornagraphic? I said “Captain Underpants…is…partly… a…. graphic…… novel.”

Me: Oh

12 yo: I don’t even know what pornagraphic means.

Me: 

12 yo: Mom? Mom?

Me:  Look at that cloud over there.

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Best of the Internet this week

THIS!!!! This will make you giggle out loud ….

http://lgoogoogaga.wordpress.com/2013/08/21/pottery-barn-lunches/ – Best Line “In the town where I grew up – If I ever opened up a lunch to reveal a tic tac toe game made out of sandwiches, I would get my ass kicked and my new name would be “Tic Tac” until I graduated highschool…..”

And this ..

She’s a kid from where I live, I don’t know her personally but friends have tought her in school, other friends go to church with the family. We all have decided that she’s hung the moon.

Oh and evidently it’s time to start your Christmas List

Cause there is this http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/09/12/well-read-women-samantha-hahn/

Oh and then I learned this because really… who knew?

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WTF Target… turquoise weiner dog edition

I love me some Target, the numbers in my bank account don’t lie. I’m a Red Card devotee.

But sometimes I think the good folks up there in Minneapolis are trying to screw with us (yeah yeah, let’s see who we get to buy this!) or maybe the cold cold winters just screw with their heads a little too much. Either way sometimes you just want to take their purchasing department aside and offer them counseling.

Like with today’s email blast….  Let’s see what we have here, brightly colored plates that are too busy for my taste, dull monotone bowls that are too boring for my taste, standard issue porch rug, curtains from 1952 and oh yes… what looks like a bright orange paper mache deer – who’s had the shit scared out of it.

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Someone with a highly covented job in the Target purchasing department saw this in a catalog or a design center and said “Yeah!! That’s what the fall decor line is missing.. Scared Orange Deer! People will be dying to get those home!”    

(Note to Target HR department: Stop hiring people fresh out of design school! Yes they are cheap but they have absolutely no idea what they are doing – remember all those god awful high end “designer” children’s clothes that cluttered your clearance racks all spring and no actual child wore ever? Stop it!)

But back to the damn deer  ’cause people, you know I had to click on that shit.

 

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That’s right, it’s part of set with a turquoise dachshund and a pink poodle  – that appear to be as big as the deer (no wait sorry the poodle is actually 3 inches taller) . A bright turquoise resin dachshund and a giant pink poodle! Well at least now we know what the hell the damn deer is so afraid of!

“I really wish I could find a bright turquoise dachshund I’ve been looking for one forever!” Said No Person Ever

I’m even leaving the giant red rooster and the woodland hedgehog nightlight along because seriously people they are trying to sell you turquoise weiner dogs!

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Things I love on the internet this week

Time for the Friday round up of stuff that kept me entertained this week.

Baby Panda! Squeeeeee

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A new baby girl panda was born at the national zoo or Smithsonian Zoo or whatever they are calling it these days. You can watch Panda Cam here http://nationalzoo.si.edu/animals/giantpandas/default.cfm

 

Making Fun of Apple Never Gets Old

 

Kids Say The Darnest Things..

Kids interviewed about their thoughts on marriage

http://dailynewsdig.com/how-do-you-decide-who-to-marry-written-by-kids/

My fav..

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?

I’d run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-Craig, age 9

 

 

 

Finding Real News: Is it possible on the internet?

As I sit here tagging pictures into the night, somewhere north of here Congress is supposed to be voting on this whole fiscal cliff thing. And as I flip back and forth during my uploading sessions to Facebook I’ve noticed a trend this evening. Only those friends who are the most partisan in their politics (either side) are the ones that are ranting unhappily, always unhappily, tonight.  Remarkably their rants – no matter what side – sound exactly the same, the word spineless is being thrown around a lot. And I’m thinking,  – isn’t that what we want right now, more of do-the-right-thing and less worrying about their spines?

But anyway that’s not really my point. This whole random set of thoughts brought to mind an opt-ed piece I read earlier today that digressed into an anti media rant (love when a media outlet has an anti media rant) but the point  being made was how we now consume only the news we want to hear, the news that agrees with us. And that has me thinking.

I’m certainly guilty of that. I don’t “read the paper” and I certainly don’t watch local news. (in this market it’s a joke). I even stopped watching cable news. I get my news from the internet. But you can’t read the internet cover to cover, so you have to pick and choose. You have to click. And by nature people click on the headlines that appeal to them. Headlines that reinforce what it is that they want to hear. The internet allows us to tune out a well rounded view of the issues.

Now granted you can do that in a newspaper too. No one forces you to read the whole thing. But there is something about being presented with a finite amount of manageable information that inspires most people to read the whole thing. They feel lazy if they don’t. Skipping around a daily paper feels like cheating. Skipping around the internet, that is just survival.

So in the new year I’m going to try and be more mindful about what I read. Try to seek out well rounded points of view that consider both sides of issues at hand.  I suspect the real trick will be to find those. In this world of SEO, it’s hard for the good guy to make it to the top of the list. In fact maybe that’s where I start.. ignore the front page of the internet. Assume anyone there is keyword loaded for one side or the other. Look deeper, farther down and find journalists, not editors, not opinion holders, not celebrities of any kind – but actual journalist who are writing well researched thoughtful pieces.

Do they still exist?

 

 

The Mommy Blogs are getting boring

Hello pot, I’m kettle.

Let’s just that out of the way right there.

But for the love of god my Feed Reader is damn boring these days. Mostly for the same reasons that have kept me from posting anything remotely interesting lately. Life. The last two weeks of school with all it’s performances and ceremonies and meetings are a time suck. And then there all that lovely weather luring us outside – you know to actually spend time with our families. Don’t worry I’ll be boring dazzling you with pictures soon.

But there is something else going on too… those who are writing – at least in the last week or so – have been droning on and on about the whole Review Blog/MommyBlogger/Who’s Really a Blogger debate and frankly it’s painful. Boring. And painful. Please please please stop. It was remotely interesting over a month ago when it all started but seriously we are all way way over it now.

Stop and go back to talking about poopy and posting pictures of your kids with things up their noses. Cause poop is funny and so is stuff up your nose. I like stuff up the nose stories.  And I like to hear about the funny thing that happened today. Tell me please! I read your blogs to laugh and be entertained, not to think. And certainly not to read some 3000 word rant about how the term Mommy blog is a misnomer or why review blogs are either the evil or the best thing going. Stop!!!

I would kill for a picture of a kid with french fries in his nose or a guess who pooped on the potty/graduated from kindergarten/went to prom story right now.

Now Available on Kindle

Okay, if I haven’t mentioned it lately here… LOVE my Kindle. I have the original version and I love it, love it, love it. I have read more books in the 5 months since I got it for Christmas than in the last 5 years. I’m reading all the time now. (Much to the dismay of my little blog here)

But I will confess, I haven’t gotten too much into the online content that’s available. I thought I would but when I found out that each blog has a subscription price I decided that frankly I could read them blogs for free on my iphone. And I really thought it was just for the big fancy blogs like Huffington Post and whatnot.

That being said it doesn’t take away from the cool factor I felt when I after reading that The Daily Blonde posted her blog on Kindle I went out and did it myself. Look!

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And then of course I had to see what it might look like on the Kindle screen so I subscribed to my own blog <dork>.

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Over all, I don’t really see this as a replacement for reading them on my iphone and I’m thinking if your enough of a gadget hound to have a Kindle then you probably have a smart phone that will do you just as well for this.

But it sure does look cool huh!?!?